Recreating Joy

Hello,

Myra McElhaney
Speaker/Author

I’m a speaker and writer in Atlanta, GA. I lost my husband, Phil McElhaney to a GMB brain tumor in June of 2009 at the age of 51. I grieved for the loss of the love of my life and my soul mate. I grieved for the loss of the man, the marriage, the life.

Then like the many widows I’ve met since; I was faced with rebuilding my life. As a single woman—a widow—I now had to move from the big house in the suburbs, find a new home and make new friends. I also had to rebuild my speaking and writing business since I’d scaled it back almost to the point of non-existence during his illness.

Since writing is what I do and I look for the bright side of most situations, many people encouraged me to share my journey. This is not meant as a ‘how-to’ guide because everyone’s journey is personal. It’s just to share my stories and insights in case they resonate with you.

This blog is not intended to focus on grief or the raw pain immediately after a loss. It’s more of a ‘next step’ for moving forward after the intense grieving period. And believe me, I grieved deeply. I took to my bed, sobbed uncontrollably, got mad at God, cursed, cried, soaked my sorrows in food and booze, took the pills, (prescribed by a doctor, of course) had the therapy, read the books, listened to the experts and watched the movies.

Finally I had to put down the Tequila bottle, crawl out of bed, get dressed and decide what to do next. By the way, before you go all “AA” on me I’m speaking figuratively about the Tequila bottle! One of my friends heard me say that and thought I was really drinking Tequila in bed. I may have kept a pitcher of Margarita’s in the refrigerator for a while but we can talk about that later! I joked about the Tequila more than I drank it. Now Ben & Jerry’s New York Chocolate Chunk—that’s another story!

For anyone reading this that is still early in grieving your loss and wondering how long it takes and whether you’re ready for the ‘next step’ just let it go! It takes as long as it takes! There’s no direct path. At first it feels like all pain, all the time. Then you find moments of feeling a little better. Then moments grow into hours and hours into days. Eventually you feel better more than you feel awful. Sometimes you feel like you’re doing pretty well and then something brings you to your knees. When do those times stop completely? When I find someone who has that answer I’ll let you know!

I can tell you that they get fewer and farther between as life goes on. Notice I said, “life” not “time.” As I once heard someone say, “Time doesn’t heal anything, it’s what you do with the time that heals!” As for me, in the midst of tears and sobs, I made a decision that just because I had tragedy in my life did not mean my life had to be a tragedy. It’s all in how you tell the story and how you create the next chapter. I’m determined that mine will be a comedy. Afterall they say that comedy comes from tragedy plus perspective and time, right?

I hope my stories encourage you, inspire you; maybe give you a chuckle or a nod of recognition. Talk to me! Let me know which posts resonate with you. Which ones you like, which ones you disagree with, what you want to hear more of. I don’t promise answers or solutions; just compassion and understanding. OK, maybe a little snarky-ness sometimes! But you know, sometimes something just needs to be said!

If you have something to say on what has helped you to move forward then let me know. Maybe I’ll interview you for a blog post or invite you to be a guest blogger sometime.

Thanks for visiting my blog. I hope you’ll come back regularly. Best of luck on your journey!

Enjoy Life and Do Good!

Myra

P.S. In January of 2016 I published a memior, Building A Life You Love After Losing the Love of Your Life. It’s available on Amazon.com or you can get a signed copy by sending an email to Myra@MyraMcElhaney.com. Let me know who (if anyone) you want the book personalized to and the address for mailing.