When do you miss him or her most?


Yesterday was a rainy Sunday. I thought of Phil and how we used to spend rainy Sundays.

Rainy Sunday

Rainy Sunday

He traveled a lot for work and would come home on Friday nights. If we didn’t have special plans, we’d usually go out for a casual dinner, Mexican food and Margaritas or Chinese food and talk over our weeks. Saturdays we usually ran errands, did things around the house and then in the evening we would invite friends over or meet them somewhere for dinner. Sundays were our days. If it was sunny weather we often rode the Harley somewhere for lunch then headed to the mountains for a leisurely drive.

On rainy Sundays we’d sleep late, drink coffee and read the paper. We’d put a pot of chili or beans on the stove to simmer for dinner then we’d relax in front of the TV. He’d watch football. Or golf. Or baseball. Or basketball. Or underwater basket weaving…anything that counted as a sport. He’d sit on the couch with his feet on the coffee table. I’d grab a book or magazine and lay with my head, or sometimes my feet, in his lap. We’d snuggle, cuddle, nap and just spend time relaxing together. We might pop a gigantic bowl of popcorn to share while watching some movie on TV. Those are sweet, cuddly, private memories that I treasure.

It’s been six years now since he passed. I’ve survived multiple birthdays, wedding anniversaries, Valentine’s Days and anniversaries of his death. I’ve moved to a small condo in town, met lots of new people and worked to build a new life that I can enjoy. I have new routines, new friends and new activities. I’ll always love him and the life we had but most days it doesn’t hurt so much.

Except for rainy Sundays.

What about you? When do you miss your late husband or wife the most?

I’d love to hear your story. You can comment on this blog or send an email to Myra@MyraMcElhaney.com.


8 Responses to “When do you miss him or her most?”

  1. I miss my husband all the time… He passed away in May 2015 and I’m still trying to figure things out. Everything we used to do when he was here is a reminder for me that he is not…

    • I’m sorry for your loss. May of 2015 is so recent! If you’re out of bed, bathed, dressed (most days) and doing the basic functions of your life, that’s enough at this point. Take care of yourself and get lots of rest. You have years of memories with him and relatively no recent happy memories that don’t include him. It takes time to make new ones. This hurts like hell but it does get easier. I promise! Thanks for reaching out.

  2. Thank YOU for writing!

  3. It would be hard to put to words the when my husdnad is missed most. Parenting four daughters without him seems to win out just know. Thanks for sharing your heart. I have found writing on my blog and being conscious of those I do have hete still and recognizing I am loved by God are the best tool I have in walking through the wave of grief.

    • Thank you for your comment. Yes, you miss them all the time at first. As time goes on and you develop routines, make new friends and take on new projects the waves of grief seem to come less frequently. It’s been six years for me. Early on I found that writing in my journal helped. I’m not writing a book about “Building A Life You Love After Losing the Love of Your Life.” I’m glad that you also find blogging helpful.

  4. There are lots of little moments but I particularly miss her when I’m changing the sheets on the bed. I’m small and struggle so much doing it alone as a 5’1, 100 pound woman! Makes me realise how independent I’ve been forced to be.

    • Thanks for your note. Yes, regardless of how independent we think we are we do become dependent on our husbands, wives or significant others as our lives intertwine. Then having to do it all alone again reveals another layer of loss. Not only did you lose your wife, you lost your sheet changing partner. No matter how little it seems in the big picture, it’s another hit to a big wound. Another layer of loss.

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